Extraordinary Machine

If there was a better way to go then it would find me
I can't help it, the road just rolls out behind me
Be kind to me, or treat me mean
I'll make the most of it, I'm an extraordinary machine

--Fiona Apple

Quick Health Update:

• Started on immunosuppressants
• Still taking lots of vitamins!
• My hemoglobin and iron levels have gone up (yay! no blood transfusion!)
• The rest of my meds are starting to work
• I’m loosing a LOT of hair and have bruises everywhere
• Doctor appointments can now be every 2 weeks, thank goodness!!

A teething 7 month old:

Lizzy is teething! Two top teeth are starting to make themselves known. So on top of the normal freeze teething rings I’ve added some things!

This little baby works wonders! They come in sterile one dose little vials and are all natural.

She actually likes the taste of it, or maybe it has not taste. Hmm, now I might have to taste it. Then we have her favorite teethers! Her Sophie the Giraffe from Vulli and her Born Free teether.

Granny got her a Taggie blanket because Lizzy will find the tag on anything (clothes, toys, bags) and play with them, chew on them, and just be all about them.

New product alert!!

I have the pleasure of getting to try a new product and share the results with you all through Vocalpoint! I am doing a trial on Downy’s new UNstopables in wash scent boosters. I’m trying out the fresh scent but they also have it in a fragrance called lush.

It smells super yummy and I’m going to try it out tomorrow for the first time! It says it will hold the fragrance for 30 days! I will keep ya’ll posted.

Father’s Day Weekend and Running out of Spoons

Happy Father’s Day to all you Dads out there! Fatherhood: When a good man goes dad! I got my husband the Logitech Harmony One remote for his gift from me and Lizzy gave him a beautiful letter with her foot prints on the bottom. His father and step-mother came and watched her for a few hours on Saturday so we got to actually be a couple for a bit! Very enjoyable. However one of our activities was outside and I spent a bit too long in the sun. The sun causes lupus to flare up rather bad. I went to bed rather early yesterday after a long hot bath and lots of medication. This morning I was still running very low on spoons (The Spoon Theory) but had things that needed to get done. So, like most mothers out there, I pushed forward.

Here was my to do list for the day:

1. Coupon clipping!
2. Feed the babe
3. Grocery Store
4. Target and pharmacy run
5. Feed the babe
6. Wipe down kitchen and bathroom
7. Mop
8. Laundry (work in progress)
9. Make dinner for my hubby for F-day
10. Feed the babe and get all of us ready for bed

I figure I’m doing rather well. I’m still in the process of learning my new diagnosis. It seems I learn something new every day. I have a big doctor day this Tuesday that includes a trip to the Ophthalmologist (apparently blindness is an issue with my meds), my regular weekly trip to my rheumatologist, and a trip to my OBGYN. Not to have a major TMI moment but they are stopping my cycle for 6 months to a year due to my hemoglobin levels, if I drop 2 points lower I will need a blood transfusion and iron infusions for up to 6 weeks. Like I said, learning things every day. Everyone I know is being very supportive and trying their best to keep up with all of my doctor appointments and new developments.

The biggest development as of late has been the child bearing issue. Lupus patients usually are on some form of immunosuppressant but with that comes issues of having children. It can cause miscarriages and malformations. J and I are in the process of figuring out how long I can be on this without having that be an issue. As well as how long before trying again would I have to stop. I have already spoken to my OBGYN about my diagnosis and she has dealt with many lupus pregnancies and feels confident she could get me through another one. I would have to stop all my medications except for 2. I feel I can do it but it’s a long ways down the road. We want to ideally have Lizzy out of diapers before having another. But we are trying to be realistic with my disease that the younger I am the easier this may be. I will find out much more detail on Tuesday with my march of the doctors.

Emotionally, I am handling this all pretty well. I have my moments of waning to shout “WHY?!” at the top of my lungs and wishing it was all just  a joke. I pray and talk to those close to me and trudge on. This is a marathon, not a race after all.

I have Lupus

But it does not have me.

That in short explains my absence from the blogging world. I was diagnosed with lupus about 6 weeks ago. I’ve undergone so many tests I’ve lost count and I think I’ve had so much blood work done that I’m going to call my phlebotomist a vampire. I go to the rheumatologist every week, neurologist every 6 weeks, my general doctor every 8 weeks, and now a geneticist and high risk OB (no not pregnant). In short though, I have Lupus SLE and it’s currently affecting my brain and nerves.

If you do not know what lupus is, follow the link. I also would recommend reading the following articles.

• The Spoon Theory
• My roulette kind of life
• Pay no attention to the girl behind the smile

Outside of my medical drama. I now have a very active 6 month old! She is rolling over in all directions she can, holding her own bottle, eating oatmeal and lots of fruits, scooting but not crawling, standing with assistance, and just gabbing away in baby jibberish.

She makes all my days worth while. That’s for sure! Now, I’m sure a lot of you that actually read this have questions. Feel free to email me or anything like that and I will do my best to answer them. I do intend on updating this more now with details about my treatment and how this journey is going. Stay tuned.

A week of firsts

I know I am still behind on posts and updates so I am going to do a quick personal overview of what’s going on and then get into the fun happy things!

1. I am currently going through rounds of testing to hopefully find out what is wrong with me after over 10 years. I don’t know if it’s serious or not but hopefully Monday will show some answers.
2. My mothers job was up in the air for a month or so, but thankfully God came through and she got to just do a lateral move doing pretty much the same job but for a different department. Plus, she is going back to school! So proud of her!!
3. Josh started a new job and my job is expanding. Lots more work stress there as well as time.
4. My beautiful sis-n-law is a college grad! Super proud of her!!
5. My best buddy/sister from another mother is FLYING through beauty school with multiple gold stars right behind her!
6. A good friend is getting awfully close to baby time! Go tell her hello if you get a chance @ Pure Joy and Adoration

Now for some fun stuff! This has truly been a week of firsts.

I had my first Mother’s Day (w00!).

This is Drunny. He is a dragon/bunny hybrid and now lives at my desk. I also got a very sweet card from my loves. Then we had a nice lunch and Red Robin and Lizzy ate her teether :)

 

Elizabeth rolled over!! Sadly I have no pictures of this but it was an awesome addition to my Mothers Day. I do, however, have cute pigtail pictures!

Next, Elizabeth decided she wanted to start feeding herself. So now all you have to do is hand her the bottle and she takes it and goes to town!

 

Okay so , I’m exhausted from everything listed above and desperately want to just go lay on the couch with my hubby while the little one is napping. I will try and update soon!

Unexpected Delays

I know it has been a long time since my last post but life got the best of me. Elizabeth got sick, I got sick, then I stayed sick, work got hectic, J had new job opportunities and studying, and at the end of the day it was all I could do to make dinner and get the house picked up. Some things had to be put on a back burner for a bit and this happened to be one of them. I’m attempting to get back into the swing of it though so stay tuned!

Elizabeth will be 5 months old on Easter! Time has flown by but she is absolutely amazing!! She is very vocal and entertains herself easily. She is almost sitting up unassisted but has almost no interest in rolling over what-so-ever. She gets onto her side and grabs what she wants and then is good. We have started experimenting with rice cereal, but only on occasion. She likes it but only when she’s in certain moods. In my last post I talked about trying out the Up & Up brand of formula. We’ve been using it for about a month and half now and nothing seems to be different than the Similac. Since then we have tried the Up & Up diapers and are about to try their wipes as well. Overall it is cutting our “baby bills” in half!

Lizzy got a few new toys. A jumper, a play gym, and an aquarium soother. She loves them all and uses them daily!

As you can see she is growing by the day! Hair accessories have become a constant because, well, she has a lot of hair! Plus, it has my curl to it so it tends to be a bit unruly! She’s beautiful in every way.

I realize that this has been a mostly picture post but today has been a quiet day for me with lots of thoughts swimming in my head so pictures will have to do. I will try to update again soon, hopefully this week!

She is blessed

She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.  Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her:  "Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all." – Prov. 31:25-29

So my plan did not go as I would have hoped. Lizzy woke up several times last night in frustration. She couldn’t breathe through her little nose but couldn’t sleep without her thumb in her mouth. So, mommy stayed up with her from about 2a.m until our alarm went off. We went about our normal morning until she spit up a few times and was just very unhappy. At that point, we decided it was best for me to stay home today instead of sending her off to daycare.

We have spent our morning snuggled in bed with her propped up on my chest so she can breathe and still rest. On the bright side, she now has an awesome cool mist humidifier!

I feel absolutely horrible each time I have to use the Little Noses saline and suction out her nose. She gets so upset! I know it helps her though, and I have to say that Boogie Wipes are just the bees knees!

The old lady of the house, Pearl, has been close by all morning. I think she knows Lizzy is sick or she just likes the humidifier, not sure which.

My sweet girl still manages to smile even when she feels icky. I managed to get her feeling good enough to sleep on her own, it took a lot of time but she’s at least resting!

    

What a long weekend!

We attempted our first road trip with Lizzy this weekend. My nephew, Jack, turned 11 and we had a visit with Grandpa, Nana, Aunt Laura, and Uncle Adam. Unfortunately, Lizzy came down with her first cold! So, we drove home last night instead of today. She is doing alright today, just not the happiest of babies.

Tonight was Sunday meatloaf night!

Josh and I unfortunately came down with the same cold Lizzy has :(

We also decided to try and compare her normal formula (Similac Sensitive) to the Target Up & Up brand that is supposed to be the same but just generic brand. Plus it’s $10 cheaper! I read over all of the ingredients and it is almost exactly the same. We shall see!! If you are wondering what the roll of packing tape with her name all over it is for, it’s for labels. Her daycare requires her bottles to be labeled with first and last name as well as the date.

Now I’m fully ready to finish up chores, get Lizzy to bed, take a hot steamy shower, down some nyquil, and go to bed! Work is going to come way to early in the morning!! On the plus side, Grandpa gave me a nice bottle of wine to bring home. It will have to wait until this pesky cold is gone but yay for wine!

Beautiful, Beautiful

Like sunlight burning at midnight
Making my life something so
Beautiful, beautiful
Mercy reaching to save me
All that I need
You are so
Beautiful, beautiful

Today my daughter is 3 months old. Today marks one week that I have been back at work (yes I went back to work on a Thursday, short weeks rock). Tomorrow will be one week of Lizzy being in daycare. It’s been one heck of a week, and so I have fallen behind on Project 31. I fully intend to catch up this weekend but not tonight. Tonight I need to eat some comfort food, enjoy my family, take a hot shower, and crawl into bed. I have managed my first full week of being a working mom with minimal crying, no flip outs, and only a few chocolate indulgences. I have renewed my affections for coffee though.

I feel stronger as a person than I have in a long time. What makes you feel strong?

Sweetest Moments and Project 31

This morning my husband, our beautiful girl, and myself laid in bed after her morning feeding. It was one of those moments that I will cherish forever. Lots of smiles were shared and sweet coo’s and aahh’s. I could not have asked for a more amazing morning.

I have to say, I am completely and utterly in love with my daughter. She makes each day such a gift. My first few days at work, I was told over and over that I am just glowing. I glow because of her, I glow for her.

Project 31

Day 3: Who is someone you know that inspires beauty?

Right now, I would have to say that J, my husband, is the person that inspires beauty for me. He has known me for almost 11 years. He has seen me at my thinnest and at my heaviest. He has seen me both as a friend and as a lover. He sat with me through 30 hours of labor and an emergency c-section. He held me though my lowest points of post partum depression. To this very moment, he still tells me I am beautiful. Not only that but he shows me.

Now, I am watching him tell Lizzy how beautiful she is and I pray that he will be able to instill in her the same confidence he has given me. I feel completely comfortable around him no matter my attire or how I feel. I feel the beauty he sees in me. I wouldn’t trade that for the world.

THE LIST:
Day 1. What does beauty mean to you?
Day 2. What makes you uniquely you?
Day 3. Who is someone you know who inspires beauty?
Day 4. Style 31. Post a pic of you in your favorite outfit.
Day 5. Write a blog thanking someone who has made your heart come alive.
Day 6. Jaded beauty. Has the world's definition of beauty ever jaded you?
Day 7. Write a blog to encourage another beautiful woman.
Day 8. Have a beauty secret (e.g. hair tip, make up tip)? Share, please!
Day 9. What virtues do you value in yourself?
Day 10. What is Jesus teaching you as a wife, mom, or friend? (Or just woman in general?)
Day 11. Post a recipe. Or if you don't cook, try a new recipe and write about how it turned out (pictures please!).
Day 12. Write about what wears you out as a woman.
Day 13. Write about something you would like to change about yourself for the better.
Day 14. Style 31. Post an outfit pic!
Day 15. Write to encourage a friend. Inspire her beauty.
Day 16. Write a letter to your daughter, or a young girl in your life. Tell her what beauty means.
Day 17. Write about 3 things that make you happy.
Day 18. Describe your personality.
Day 19. Write about your favorite comfort food (we are women- we ALL have comfort food!)
Day 20. Write about your job and why you love it or hate it.
Day 21. Write a letter to your husband to encourage him (or if you are single- your future husband.)
Day 22. What are some needs that need to be met in your community? Blog about how to extend your hand to those who need you.
Day 23. What are your strengths? What are your weaknesses?
Day 24. What is Jesus teaching you presently?
Day 25. Style 31. Post a pic of your favorite comfy clothes.
Day 26. What do you hope your grandchildren will say about you someday when you are gone?
Day 27. Write a blog to encourage someone and build their confidence!
Day 28. Write about your insecurities as a woman.
Day 29. Write about "a day in the life of me." (Pics are great!)
Day 30. Who is your role model as a woman?
Day 31. Write about your dreams and goals as a beautiful woman!

Being a working mom and Project 31

I have been back at work for 2 days so far and have not cried once. I feel that is a decent accomplishment! I took 12 weeks of maternity leave and came back to an almost entirely different culture at work. When I left in November we were at roughly 200 employees and now are at about 115. People have been demoted, moved, fired, or left willingly. We have an entirely new payroll and employee system that was rolled out shortly before I left but is now in full effect (lots to learn there). They upgraded all of our phone systems and will be upgrading all computers shortly. So, basically short of the building moving, it is VERY different. I was welcomed back with wide open arms though and told how much I was missed. Getting back into the swing of things was not as scary or difficult as I had feared. Lizzy starts daycare next week, I think it will be a lot harder at that point!

Project 31

Day 2: What makes you uniquely you?
I’ve been a vegetarian since I was 3 or 4, by choice not forced upon me. I’m incredibly patient. I have strong faith in God. I can burp as well as most every guy I meet. I read, a LOT. I could live off of french fries  or any type of potato really. I never apologize for being who I am at my core.
THE LIST:
Day 1. What does beauty mean to you?
Day 2. What makes you uniquely you?
Day 3. Who is someone you know who inspires beauty?
Day 4. Style 31. Post a pic of you in your favorite outfit.
Day 5. Write a blog thanking someone who has made your heart come alive.
Day 6. Jaded beauty. Has the world's definition of beauty ever jaded you?
Day 7. Write a blog to encourage another beautiful woman.
Day 8. Have a beauty secret (e.g. hair tip, make up tip)? Share, please!
Day 9. What virtues do you value in yourself?
Day 10. What is Jesus teaching you as a wife, mom, or friend? (Or just woman in general?)
Day 11. Post a recipe. Or if you don't cook, try a new recipe and write about how it turned out (pictures please!).
Day 12. Write about what wears you out as a woman.
Day 13. Write about something you would like to change about yourself for the better.
Day 14. Style 31. Post an outfit pic!
Day 15. Write to encourage a friend. Inspire her beauty.
Day 16. Write a letter to your daughter, or a young girl in your life. Tell her what beauty means.
Day 17. Write about 3 things that make you happy.
Day 18. Describe your personality.
Day 19. Write about your favorite comfort food (we are women- we ALL have comfort food!)
Day 20. Write about your job and why you love it or hate it.
Day 21. Write a letter to your husband to encourage him (or if you are single- your future husband.)
Day 22. What are some needs that need to be met in your community? Blog about how to extend your hand to those who need you.
Day 23. What are your strengths? What are your weaknesses?
Day 24. What is Jesus teaching you presently?
Day 25. Style 31. Post a pic of your favorite comfy clothes.
Day 26. What do you hope your grandchildren will say about you someday when you are gone?
Day 27. Write a blog to encourage someone and build their confidence!
Day 28. Write about your insecurities as a woman.
Day 29. Write about "a day in the life of me." (Pics are great!)
Day 30. Who is your role model as a woman?
Day 31. Write about your dreams and goals as a beautiful woman!

Returning to work and Project 31

Tomorrow I head back to the corporate world of clients, employee complaints, benefits questions and away from my sweet girl with her diaper changes and happy smiles. Am I ready? Not at all. I have been incredibly blessed to stay home 12 weeks with her and I am forever grateful to my amazing husband to provide me that option. Even though I will probably enjoy having adult conversations again and dressing up, how would I want to leave this face?

Project 31

I have decided to further explore my quest to find beauty in the world by doing Project 31.  I find the idea to be both challenging and fun. It comes from an awesome blog called She Breathes Deeply and is based off of Proverbs 31.  So lets jump in!

Day One: What does beauty mean to you?

beau·ty

-noun, plural -ties.

1.

the quality present in a thing or person that gives intense pleasure or deep satisfaction to the mind, whether arising from sensory manifestations (as shape, color, sound, etc.), a meaningful design or pattern, or something else (as a personality in which high spiritual qualities are manifest).
To me, beauty is something that shines from the inside out. People who are beautiful to me, have a quality that radiates out, creating their beauty. Even objects or places tend to have a spiritual essence or emotional edge that make that strike me as beautiful. Moments can be beautiful. Waking up next to my husband and having that 5 minutes of slowly waking up together is one of those moments. My daughter smiling at me and reaching for my hand is one of those moments.
For myself, beauty is not about expensive clothes or the perfect haircut. I feel my best when I feel confident, that is where I find beauty. Yes, putting on make up, a cute outfit, and doing my hair help. I won’t pretend otherwise, but even with all those things I may not feel beautiful if I am not confident and happy inside.
THE LIST:
Day 1. What does beauty mean to you?
Day 2. What makes you uniquely you?
Day 3. Who is someone you know who inspires beauty?
Day 4. Style 31. Post a pic of you in your favorite outfit.
Day 5. Write a blog thanking someone who has made your heart come alive.
Day 6. Jaded beauty. Has the world's definition of beauty ever jaded you?
Day 7. Write a blog to encourage another beautiful woman.
Day 8. Have a beauty secret (e.g. hair tip, make up tip)? Share, please!
Day 9. What virtues do you value in yourself?
Day 10. What is Jesus teaching you as a wife, mom, or friend? (Or just woman in general?)
Day 11. Post a recipe. Or if you don't cook, try a new recipe and write about how it turned out (pictures please!).
Day 12. Write about what wears you out as a woman.
Day 13. Write about something you would like to change about yourself for the better.
Day 14. Style 31. Post an outfit pic!
Day 15. Write to encourage a friend. Inspire her beauty.
Day 16. Write a letter to your daughter, or a young girl in your life. Tell her what beauty means.
Day 17. Write about 3 things that make you happy.
Day 18. Describe your personality.
Day 19. Write about your favorite comfort food (we are women- we ALL have comfort food!)
Day 20. Write about your job and why you love it or hate it.
Day 21. Write a letter to your husband to encourage him (or if you are single- your future husband.)
Day 22. What are some needs that need to be met in your community? Blog about how to extend your hand to those who need you.
Day 23. What are your strengths? What are your weaknesses?
Day 24. What is Jesus teaching you presently?
Day 25. Style 31. Post a pic of your favorite comfy clothes.
Day 26. What do you hope your grandchildren will say about you someday when you are gone?
Day 27. Write a blog to encourage someone and build their confidence!
Day 28. Write about your insecurities as a woman.
Day 29. Write about "a day in the life of me." (Pics are great!)
Day 30. Who is your role model as a woman?
Day 31. Write about your dreams and goals as a beautiful woman!

I’m Still Enchanted

I blink my eyes and I am so, so enchanted
There's so much beauty that we take for granted

 

Do you remember that feeling as a little girl? A wooded area was a magical land and you were an enchanted princess? How do we  loose that ability to see beauty around us?

I want to find that again. I long to feel connected to the world around me, to see the unseen, to find light in darkness. It got lost along the way to the corporate world, motherhood, marriage, and to do lists. My goal is simple, find beauty daily, find magic in my surroundings, radiate light. It’s easy to forget that it is easy to find, it  may be in my daughters smile, my husbands touch, or my daily chat with God. It’s more than just seeing beauty in the things around me but also the beauty in myself.

Stay tuned.